ABOUT THIS FEATURED REFLECTION

I was connected with a woman who wrote this beautiful and raw piece the day before Mother’s Day. Turns out she’s also a writer. These are her words of solidarity for other women in the infertility community. As well as a message to supporters.

This is part of her story. Especially dedicated to all of us on Mother’s Day.

For Women Still Waiting on Mother’s Day Weekend

Author: Kenya Pridgen 

👩🏽‍🦱👶🏽 It took me two miscarriages & eight years to be able to hold my baby in my arms and celebrate Mother’s Day with a smile and without shame, frustration and sadness⁣.

🙏🏽 Then I messed around and let my guard down and got unpleasantly surprised by another miscarriage in an attempt to have a second child. I believed that after giving birth to my first born, my body would be okay and I wouldn’t have to worry when I got pregnant again⁣.

💕 I’ve been trying (and not trying- cause somebody always says “you have to relax and stop trying and then you’ll get pregnant” 🙄Quit saying that please) for the past few months to get pregnant again to no avail and as such, suffering through roller coaster emotions and negative effects on my sex life with each arriving menstrual cycle.

😣 I’ve been triggered a lot lately. I’ve been experiencing grief in random, unexpected waves. Last week I had a sweet sweet client I went to initiate a case with and she had FIVE kids under 5. ⁣⁣

🗂 While going over her case file I realized that she had two with the same birthday in April and two with the same birthday in June. I cried reading over her file and I felt so sad. All I could think was “Wow… her body ovulates around the same time twice each year and she’s gotten pregnant at the same time twice each year for the past six years… I’d kill to have my body on clockwork like that”⁣

🏠👨‍👩‍👧‍👦🐶  When I got to her house it was hard not to cry. Her newest baby is six days old and as I was leaving her house, her daughter wanted me to see their puppies. She squealed and took me by hand over to their dog laying on her dog bed nursing six or seven brand new puppies. I almost lost it. Even this woman’s dog had just had babies.

WHERE was this level of abundant fertility in my life? 🥺🥺🥺⁣

🚫⁣👮🏾‍♀️👮🏽‍♂️✋🏽PAUSE for anyone about to lovingly yet ignorantly read through four paragraphs to now say “you’re so blessed and I’m sure she probably wants some of the things you have too, you don’t know her life or her struggles.” You’re correct. I already know this. This post isn’t about me not understanding that everyone has struggles or everyone wants something someone else has or counting my blessings or remembering my faith. I rock with God and He rocks with Me. This post is about holding space for the grief that comes for some women during this holiday.

🙄 Somebody is gonna miss the whole point of this paragraph and write something insensitive anyway.

🎢😪 Motherhood. The desire to be a Mother, to see manifested the dreams you have for creating your family, the heartbreak and surprise and frustration that come after failing (and failing and failing) to achieve that dream. The grief of letting some variations of that dream go. The loss of innocence that comes after a pregnancy ends in miscarriage and now being pregnant makes you anxious and scared and secretive. ⁣

What a roller coaster it all is…⁣

👩🏽‍🦱👦🏽 I’m gonna post pics and display joy and have fun tomorrow because I should most definitely allow myself that space and joy. ⁣

✨I’m writing all of this to say that I’m 𝘼𝙇𝙎𝙊 gonna hold space for all of the women with and without children who are hurting, 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙬𝙖𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜…⁣

I see you. I feel you. I love you. 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝘆𝗼𝘂. ⁣

❤️ K ⁣

Kenya Pridgen is a Writer, Speaker, Kingdom Encourager and a Projector & Protector of ✨Light✨. She is also a primary Infertility Survivor, a continued Infertility Fighter and Mother. You can find her musings and messages at Sweet Spirit, Inc.